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Don’t Leave Your Phone at the Crime Scene
… and other cautionary tales and helpful hints for aspiring criminals. JOHNSTOWN, Pa.—The fact that a man who had been freed from jail one day turned right around the next and allegedly robbed a bank...
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High-School Wrestlers Bash Roadside Raccoon
More stupid criminals—and the merely criminally stupid—in this week’s Dudes in the News. The jury is out on whether teenage boys are simply adult men who happen to be housed in muscular and often...
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Uphill Skiing and a Sock Full of Drugs
This week’s Dudes in the News: a brazen elderly skier, art-hating municipal employees, and a different kind of drug dog. JACKSON HOLE, Wyo.—Police here recently arrested a local man, 78, who refused...
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Ohio Beef Hat o’ Love
Dudes in the News, Ohio Edition: Curious proposals and the beef queen contest. Valentine’s Day 2011 has come and gone and with it all things Valentinian: the flowers, the candlelit dinners, the...
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How to Trap Yourself in a Bank Vault
Also: How not to join the mile-high club, how to compose an effective note for a silent bank robbery, and how to punch a teenage girl in the face. It is indisputable that air travel has become a...
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Naked Quad Run Alternatives
Irresponsible ninja dads, officer-impersonating youngsters, and your weekly dose of stupid bank robbers. It’s Dudes in the News—Ya Heard? Is it simply the perpetuation of a hoary cliché to note that...
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Purloined Prophylactics and Plucked Ducks
More gratuitous, mean-spirited male-bashing from our eccentrically hilarious news-chronicler, Dave Ford. It is nice to know that many men are using condoms in order to prevent pregnancies and...
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The 17-Toilet Protest
… and more noble, just, and otherwise unerringly virtuous acts from God’s most glorious creation: dudes. In these volatile times, many men take seriously the political label they attach to...
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Suckin’ Quarters and Shuttling Corpses
Our weekly illustrated chronicle of wacky, dude-based news items continues, this time with a guy vacuuming quarters out of washing machines and a stinky shotgun corpse. Let’s face it: times are tough....
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Behold! The Pickled Penis
Practically impervious to petering out, our weekly issues of wacky news continue, this time with alliteration. Regular Dudes in the News readers know that we find some of our subjects’ names...
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How Do You Figure?
Never formulaic—but always punctual—this week’s roundup of wacky news features stupid criminals failing to do the math. See if you can tell which of the following mathematical puzzlers is a fake:...
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The Blotto Blotter
Our weekly roundup of cockeyed criminality continues, this time with extra inebriety. Many people enjoy a cocktail now and again. But what happens when things go from tipsy to trashed? Perhaps we can...
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Man’s Ebbs and Floes
Summer is approaching, and this week’s ‘Dudes’ is awash with seasonal shenanigans. Read on for stories about ‘kind of stupid’ guys getting wet. In psychological terms, water can be seen to represent...
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The Perils of the Pocket-Dial
More mischief from misunderstood men in this week’s Dudes in the News. The term “pocket dialing” refers to when a bumped or otherwise disturbed cellular telephone inadvertently dials a random number,...
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A Pound of Coin
This week’s Dudes decodes the real worth of the right-wing all-stars, as well as the usual suspects. In pennies. You don’t need some ivory-tower egghead’s study to tell you that the male of the...
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Masked Men Ditch Donuts
This week’s Dudes reveals that burglary, like so many other things, is a skill best left to the adults. There is a famous old saying, one that we have just now invented, that goes, “The young are...
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The Weasel Wielding Warrior
In this week’s Dudes in the News, Dave Ford gives the Associated Press what for. What for? There’s only one way to find out. If you can make sense of the following June 30 Associated Press report,...
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The Catastrophe
In this week’s Dudes in the News, cocktails, cars, and alligators make a recipe for catastrophe. If you’re in the mood to impress friends at your next out-of-doors summer gathering, try mixing this...
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Ketchup Crimes and Talking Chihuahuas
Is there really nothing left to steal? Nothing at all except for 21 tons of ketchup and mustard. An all-larceny Dudes in the News spectacular. Given the massive number of robberies committed...
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Ain’t That America
Is there any better way to celebrate our great nation’s birth than to shoot off some fireworks, call the cops on yourself, and get locked in a police van? We do things big here in America, and nowhere...
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